A Road Towards Me

When I left my newspaper job to take care of my son, it felt as if I had wanted nothing more than to stay at home and watch my kid grow. A husband who travels through the week and no help at hand. Staying home seemed like the right thing to do back then. It was great too for the first few years. The first smile, the first step, the first dash, the first fall, the first injury. I was there to see 'em all. And then came my son’s first day at school.

My son would be gone for a few hours each day, leaving me with nothing specific to do. I caught up on the reading I had so gladly abandoned. I took time out for that haircut I had long wanted. I lazed around, watched TV, and sometimes I just slept to make up for all those years of sleepless nights! And soon, I was upto my neck doing nothing. Before I realized, I began feeling wasted. It didn’t help that all that I had written down during my “nothing” phase crashed along with my PC.

It was around then that I began missing my job, my colleagues, my workplace, and the stepping outdoors for purely selfish reasons. I looked around and even took up a job. But then, it wasn’t easy leaving the kid home at the mercy of someone else. I dragged along for a month and quit. I was just the time start all over again. Only this time it wasn’t a job; it was another kid. I found myself running after a pair of tiny feet all over again.

I was back where I started—those no-time-to-breath days and can’t-get-enough-sleep nights. I was there for everything—the firsts. Again. And then, came the first day at school, again.

Both my kids are away for a few hours everyday, and I have finally found myself something paying that I can do from home. It has its perils (about which some other time), but I still get to be around to watch many more firsts—the advanced kind. Not just that, I also get to do something a little more selfish, but worthwhile—rediscover myself.